Ever since I had kids, reading for fun has become nearly impossible. By the time my head hits the pillow, I can maybe make it through a few pages before my lids start to flutter and I pass out from sheer exhaustion. (Something tells me all of my screen time at work and after bedtime isn’t helping the situation, either).

So, when I packed for my latest business trip, I didn’t even bother to pack any reading material. After all, my Google Reader is backed up with 500+ posts I should be reading.

Well, that was the plan until I realized I needed to eat breakfast at the airport and I didn’t want to have my laptop crammed on the tabletop with my scrambled eggs and diet coke (breakfast of champions, no?), so I popped back to the newsstand and grabbed a copy of Chelsea Handler’s Are You There God? It’s me. Chelsea. I’ve been a fan of her show for years and figured that I’d better have a copy of her book on hand in case I ever actually get to see her show. Having her autograph it may be my best shot at capturing her DNA and creating a clone to carry out my plot to take over the world…

But I digress.

I should have known what I was in for when the sales lady offered me a free tube of Robitussin with my purchase (which has to go down as the oddest gift with purchase in the history of retail sales).

Breakfast took forever, but I didn’t care. I had tons of time before my flight and from the first page, I was totally engrossed. I am Chelsea’s long-lost little sister that she never knew she had. Yes, she’s blonde (but I used to be!) and has a way better rack (we obviously had different moms), and she’s Jewish (I like latkes, you know). We both love vodka (she drinks way more of it than I do), takes prescription drugs (mine are actually legally obtained), and were forced to drive crappy hand-me-down vehicles that were “gifted” by our dads (at least mine had a decent paint job thanks to my big brother). See? We’re practically twins! I’m totally sending her an invite to Doodle’s third birthday party. They need to meet their Auntie Chelsea and she’s gotta bring the vodka (’cause after two hours at Chuck E Cheese, I’m gonna need it).

Anyway…back to the book.

She opens with an epic tale about how she, at age nine, caught herself up in a web of lies to impress her schoolmates. The deceit goes so far as to require an autographed picture of Goldie Hawn and an “out” of her offer to play Hawn’s daughter in a sequel to Private Benjamin.

The book goes from there through a collection of 12 stories where we meet her family, friends, lovers, and random strangers. Chelsea’s ability to make some of the most reprehensible people and behaviors (often her own) into hilarious and charming characters is fabulous and true gift.

My favorite recurring “character” has to be her dad. You can feel her constant abject humiliation dripping from every pore as she reveals how he fancies himself a used car dealer, when in reality he just collects crap-mobiles and attempts to scheister unsuspecting saps into buying them, even when they need a jump start before a test drive. The vein of politically incorrect humor runs directly from him to her, even though he has the amazing ability to not only cross the line, but moon-jump over it into an entire realm of “ohdeargoddidhejustsaywhatIthoughthejustsaid”-ness.

My favorite chapter, by far, was her tale of her mini-me. A rabid fan, who happened to be a complete dwarf-sized replica of Chelsea, manages to con her way into Chelsea’s heart and her show, Girls Behaving Badly. Chelsea is admittedly helpless to the charms of little people:

Next to fat babies, midgets are my favorite things to hold. I love them so much, and I want to help them to do adult things like drive cars, Jet-Ski, and lip synch. I am in awe of their little limbs, large craniums, and their medicine-ball asses. I love the litle baby steps they take while shifting their weight from side to side, and the fact that when you knock one over accidentally, he flails like a turtle on its back that can’t get up right away.

If you’re looking for political correctness, you probably aren’t watching Chelsea’s show and, therefore, I’d suggest you pass on the book. However, if you have no problem with inappropriate laughter in public places that may result in you spraying your beverage all over complete strangers, have at it.

____________________________________________

P.S. I finished the book on my trip and picked up her first book, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands while I was in San Diego. It was done before my plane landed back in Vegas. That’s two books in four days people – an indoor record for me post-kids. If that’s not an endorsement, I don’t know what is.

P.P.S. Her next book, CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG is due out next month. I can’t wait and neither should you! So, win a copy! Just leave a comment with your favorite vodka beverage (Chelsea prefers Ketel One in her first two books, but I suspect her preference has changed to Belvedere since they’re now sponsoring her tour — funny how that works, eh?) Get your entries in by midnight, Friday, February 19 and a winner will be chosen by a random drawing. I will actually make and review the winning cocktail, so make it good, y’all.

And the winner is…..Kristel of Last Girl Standing! The book will be on the way once it’s released. Given the state of the Canadian postal service, she should get it by Christmas.

The entries are in. The folks who REALLY wanted this BlackBerry Tour (and earned ten entries each for it) were:

Miss from Just One Miss

Stinky from I can’t complain

Michael on his lawyer blog

Beth from My Life in the Low Country

The rest of you tweeted, plurked, and commented your little hearts out.

So, without any further ado, I have assembled a list of all the entries, alphabetized them by the commenter/twitter/poster name (to be fair) and drew numbers using random.org.

The winners of a signed copy of Kathy Buckworth’s latest book, The Blackberry Diaries goes to:

Stinky
Beth
Mamabub
Lori (who’s a mom without a blog)

and the big winner of the BlackBerry Tour with a month of free service from Verizon Wireless goes to…

MISS!

Thanks to everyone who entered. Special thanks to the folks at Weber Shandwick, Blackberry, and Verizon for making my inaugural contest here at GoodBadUgly Reviews so much fun!

You can come and see Kathy Buckworth (Sat., Aug. 29) at the Galleria in Henderson. I’ll be there, too. So be sure to say “hi!” I’ll be the redheaded dork with the Diet Coke.

Blackberry Tour that is.

Kathy Buckworth, author of The Blackberry Diaries: Adventures in Modern Motherhood is coming to Vegas this weekend. Her nice PR folks have partnered with Blackberry and Verizon to back her book tour.

And I get to share the love with you.

I get to give away four copies of Kathy’s book AND a brand-new Blackberry Tour (a $500 retail value) with 30 days of service from Verizon Wireless.

How do you win?

It’s pretty simple. There are three ways to enter:

1. Comment on a post here at GoodBadUgly Reviews before noon (pacific time) on Friday, Aug, 28. Each comment gets you one entry.

2. Tweet the following:

@GBUReviews is going on tour, a Blackberry Tour, that is, with @BBDiaries. I want to win. http://tinyurl.com/n66vgy #GBUBBTour.

Each tweet sent before noon (pacific time) on Friday, Aug, 28 gets you one entry. Don’t be too annoying, though. Tweet once or twice. Otherwise folks will unfollow you and hate me.

3. Write a post on your blog about your experiences with your PDA (it doesn’t need to be a Blackberry, I’m an iPhone geek myself). Tell the world about how you dropped it in the toilet, got busted checking your email at a holiday meal with family, or whatever you want. Just be sure to mention that you’re entering into the contest and link back to this post here at GoodBadUgly Reviews. If you don’t have a blog of your own, send me your post and I’ll put it here or on my main blog, Fear and Parenting in Las Vegas. Send an email to fandpinlv (at) gmail (dot) com. I’ll do a list post so others can see your story. Each post earns you 10 entries in the drawing.

Winners will be contacted on Friday. I’m happy to get Kathy to sign your copy of the book if you win. Speaking of the book, I’ve been reading it this weekend and a full review of the book and the Tour will be coming soon. In the meantime, here’s a quick synopsis on the book from her site:

The BlackBerry Diaries: Adventures in Modern Motherhood” is a no-holds-barred trip through the wacky world of toddlers and technology. Kathy takes the reader through a year-long blog account of life with her new BlackBerry and how, as a Mississauga, Ont.-based mother of four, her two worlds — technology and children — collide.

If you’re in Vegas this weekend, be sure to check out Kathy at her appearance at the Galleria Mall from 1-3 p.m. on Fri., Aug. 28 and Sat. Aug. 29. I’ll be there on Sat. to say “hi” and read my own BB Diary entry.

So, be sure to enter. Share the love.